down ...... happy.....

i don't want the worst of me in the past comes back to me again !!
i had enough of it ad.. (GO AWAY!!!) I'm scared .. all those thoughts were much better compare to now.. the combination of the past and present is not going to be a good thing at all..
I hate it !! argh!!

somehow.. i really don't get what others want anymore.. including myself also..
why am i changing ?? I don't want it to be like now.. i really want to go back ..
standing without you all makes me got worst.. but i know you all were there by my side all along.. i will always treasure our friendships ><

to all my dearest friends and darlings, i love you all .. muacksssss .. hugsssss.. i'm coming back to meet you all soon .. hehe^^ i'll make sure i gonna make it for the 2nd of May ~ ~ wakakakazzzz.. I was shocked to received your message.. but i was really happy and tears just came out instantly.. it's been so long.. i thought you all forgotten me already.. but you all didn't ~ sooooo haaaappppyyyy !! =D

rubbish

i really dono what to say about ..
should i just die? and everyone would forgive me?
i know dying doesn't solve anything.. but really..
if it continues like this, i really gonna ***
due to the pressure that might occur through my neck..
the more things i think or depressed or giving myself pressure, the worst it will be..
it might slowly be a kind of sickness ..

(talking rubbish) ~ ~ haha

live to the fullest ^^

i'm happy with what i had :
1) family
2) relatives
3) friends
4) things i had etc..

i just like the way it is now.. just go as it flows.. and live to the fullest not regretting anything at all.. but if there's a way to turn back the time, i would want to go back to the past and have more fun than before ~ those days were the best .. i wonder if that day will come again.. haha xD i don't really hope much now.. 'cause now is different and slowly as time passes, eveything will soon change.. just like u blinked your eyes and when once you closed & opened your eyes, it's already past.. isn't that quick?!
well, now friends are important too.. whenever you go, friends are everywhere.. whether you chose the right ones or the wrong ones.. it's fate.. sometimes you had a friend you dislike but they're still your friend because you were once a friend to him/her.. even for a really short time.. no matter how your friend treats you.. just flows with it.. but there's time for each person limits.. 'forgive and forget' .. laugh with them, talks with them, have fun with them.. there's nothing wrong with it.. even if you know that... ... ... ( you know) haha ;x the most important thing is they still treats you a friend ~
loving your friends was never a wrong thing 'cause you love them as who they were.. you don't need to show it out.. from your inside..

...........................................

when you need someone to help you in your problem, you beg for their help and they helped.. once they're no longer useful for you, you throw or put them aside.. also, when you need for their helps again, you will feel regret after putting them aside without caring their feelings.. is everyone like that or is it only me doing it.. i think it's myself.. somehow i really don't know how to face them properly.. i felt like the most stupidest person in this world.. only know how to use people but not helping my own self nor helping others.. i'm sick of myself.. God, what is my life being here?? I really wonder.. no matter what i have done, surely it's a wrong thing.. and when it comes to making something better, it became worst than before.. i'm not surprise that most of the people dislike me and i admit that all i did is totally wrong.. isn't it better to just communicate through msn.. it's easier 'cause you won't see any unhappy, sad, angry faces and etc.. sometimes i thinks that God has given two roads to me but i don't know which road to take.. well, i rather not taking both of the roads and open another road by myself walking alone through that path without anyone ..

thoughts -

having random thoughts are not actually good.. cause it makes you thinks too much ~ but in some other way.. it's alright..
well, people say it's bad to be more mature because you look old if you are mature.. but it's not being mature in a physical way, it's in a mentally way of thinking .. so it could helps you understand more on people and other things too.. whether it's a good thing or a bad thing ~
on the other hand, people ignores you doesn't mean they hate or put you aside lonely just like that.. it's because they might have things on their mind or their concentrating on something while you're trying to get their attention.. try re-considerate when those are really busy while you're disturbing them..
also, why don't you try thinking over something before you said it.. especially when you do not know what's going on in the middle of the story and ask that person to go away as in just further away from you or etc.. without understanding the situation and you already made the decision, you said that person is wrong.. some people will forgive what you're doing and don't care about it.. but what if you met someone the opposite of it?? and that person is very straight forward??
comes to having relationship is the hardest thing.. when that person is right for you then it's yours but if it's not.. please do not force it to happen.. it'll make it worst.. in this world now, you could see mostly couples together is because of either money, pity, friendship, or etc.. love must be lasting but there's times when it's only a short times ..
love is money? love is blind? what is love? do you even know?! ask yourself ..
life is not that easy as it is now.. only the past not present or future..
this is my opinion of thinking.. it might hurt your feelings for what i said.. but it's the truth.. think over it.. is this what you actually wants?