buzzing for years ..

i bear towards you.. i don't say anything..
i play dumb & pretend nothing happen at all..
not that i want to say what..
but.. not to hurt you or has any mistaken between us..
sometimes.. each of us has a limitation .. we all have feelings..
yes.. i'm wrong.. i admit.. i'm sorry for my attitude which makes you so dislike or hate me..
i do understand.. i don't expect you to LIKE me but as friends ..
i know.. when there's a stain, it's hard to remove it..
i screw things and don't know how to say it out..
you might think i'm just saying crap or wanting attentions or pity from others..
i'm like this.. it's just me.. if i have done anything wrong, please do tell me..
i promise not to do it.. i try my best to do it lesser..
telling the truth.. i know what's on thoughts .. you could say ..
i can read what others thinking or wanted to say in their hearts..
i kept it silent because friends.. i treasures each and everyone ..
once i met you or talked with you, i remembers ..sometimes i might forget.. (i'm sorry for that)
of all .. i don't talk with you doesn't mean i dislike or hate you..
it's just that.. i have nothing to say to you 'cause i know i might say something wrong..
also, i, myself preferred others to start conversation to me than i start 1st..
most of my first impression is different compare with after knowing me..
you could say it's totally different ~
i laughs more and smiles more 'cause i don't want others to think differently..
and it seems like sometimes my smiles could look like fake ones..
actually.. i'm not faking it.. just that back then i don't smile a lot ..
and now i'm trying my best to smile and laugh more..
for everytime i did something wrong, i could not undone it at all..
eventhough i cover it with something.. but from the expression given..
it's always wrong ..others dislike me or hate me..
i hate myself MORE & MORE ..

ps: sorry for everything and if i said something which hurt your feelings here.. i'm truly sorry..