Perhaps?! or so ....

Knowing this very person was a stranger to me but one day appears in my life..
Seeing this person at first sight during an orphan camp and said 'hmmm....'
And thought what 'if' things was not the way it was but the other...
Did not realized the year after everything was not the way I wanted but oh well..
If that person could be happy, why not keep it as it was..
Millions of thoughts wondering through my mind of why or what if chance were given..
But of all the years has gone, God has not gave a hint of anything nor giving that person as well..
So decided to forget as things end up being 'close/best buddy' who understands each other..
Although it was not the way I wanted, truly am blessed to have such good friend to walk with me through hard times as well as happy times~
As I do treasure our friendship and hoping for the best for you with your loved ones ><

I Love You. Muacks!

a sudden recall..

I finally understand knowing how much I could easily hurt someones' heart by just doing that..
if vice versa, I would too be hurt..
my very action is so selfish and not considering anyone's feeling but my own..
no matter what I do now could not replace anything..
in return, this is what I get from everything I had done..
as I don't seem to be happy in what I do or where I go now..
I do hope to disappear as I deserve it very much..
However, I do felt being centered out from everyone through the words I say..
and the ways or things I do too..
I am willing to take the blames instead of blaming others..
All I want to say is I am truly sorry for my very stubborn actions.  

有一种单身，只是为了等待一个人

　    

        有一种单身，只是想等待一个人，等那一个该等的人。不是不想告别单身，不是想一直一个人，只是为了那份情、那份爱、那个一直在心底的人，而宁愿静静的选择一个人生活。

　　寂寞这东西对于每个人来说，都算得上是心里的一块肋骨。想要告别单身，告别寂寞，可是除了那一个人，我们甘心选择与寂寞牵着手，与孤独依靠着。

　     城市的灯火依旧亮着，不曾歇息过，霓虹灯闪烁出了我的孤独。习惯一个人在这样的夜晚徘徊于城市的大街小巷，除了身后拖着的那道长长的影子，还有什么东西 与我作伴。其实很寂寞，其实很难受，看着别人都成双成对的牵着手一起散步，孤单的心怎能不泛起一丝波澜，可是为了那个人，那个我愿意用一生的时间去守护的 人，我愿意守着孤独，守着寂寞。   
         光棍，不是对爱没有企求，不是对异性没有好感。只是为了那个人，甘愿将一切都埋藏在心里，甘愿在别人的嘲笑中一个人孤独的挺过。因为他们相信，自己放弃 一切，甘心付出那么多的时间去等待，去承受孤独与寂寞的折磨，终会等到那一个人，他们相信现在的苦痛只是暂时的，他们相信，付出终会得到回报。他们不求回 报的付出，只希望可以感动那个人，他们相信终有一天会得到幸福.

　　因为，这样等来的爱，才是真爱.这样的爱，是经得起沧海桑田的爱，是经得起千击万磨得爱，一旦成眷属，那么一生都不离不弃，这样的付出换来的爱才是永恒，才是真正的天荒地老，真正的海枯石烂.

　　有一种单身，为了爱可以不顾一切.他们所等侯的只是让自己等待的那个人明白自己的心意，然后选择自己，接着，牵着手，一起走下去.

　　有一种单身，为了爱可以抛开一切.他们不怕别人的嘲笑，因为他们始终相信，那个等待的人终会有一天转过身来，拥抱自己，再不离弃.

　　有一种单身，为了爱可以放弃一切.他们不在乎自己这样的等待，会错过多少人，因为他们只喜欢那一个人，因为他们只为那一个人等待.

　　有一种单身，为了爱可以付出一切.他们不担心自己用了多少时间去等，自己付出了多少努力，因为他们知道那个人总有一天会答应自己，然后和自己一起白头偕老.

　 　单身，并不是没有人喜欢，没有人要.只是为了那个人，他们不愿意去采摘路边那向他们招手的花朵，不愿意用不是真爱的爱来结束自己的单身，他们一直努力 着，一直奋斗着，他们不在乎别人是否知道，不在乎别人是否理解，他们只想靠自己的付出走到目的地，然后摘下那朵一直开在心里的真爱之花.

　　记得有这么一副对联:有志者，事竟成，卧薪尝胆，百二秦关终属楚;苦心人，天不负，破斧沉舟，三千越甲可吞吴！是的，光棍就是那个苦心人，他们终会等到那一天的，会梦想成真的，会和自己心爱的人牵着手，一起散步，一起去看电影，一起相依着，一起走完人生剩下的路程.

Tired

I'm tired of crying.

I'm tired of yelling.

I'm tired of being sad.

I'm tired of pretending.

I'm tired of being alone.

I'm tired of being angry.

I'm tired of feeling crazy.

I'm tired of feeling stuck.

I'm tired of needing help.

I'm tired of remembering.

I'm tired of missing people.

I'm tired of feeling worthless.

I'm tired of feeling empty inside.

I'm tired of not being able to let go.

I'm tired of wishing I could start over.

I'm tired of dreaming of a life I will never have.

But most of all, I'm just tired of being tired.

The Notebook of Life

A life could not be as perfect as it seems..
Sometimes unconditionally you would not know which steps they would choose to take;
The unpredictable but the obvious look thoroughly their expressions as you already knew what their answer.
As you might have thought maybe the reasons behind their answer was literally because of you.
You would try so hard to convince yourself of all the circumstances that you were not;
and trying whatsoever ways to gain the worth of you to them.
So many cares of what they think and do.. does it bother you so much as you would do anything for them?
To me, probably you would but what if friends who were so much better and accepting of what and as who you were. 

P.S. Don't Let Your Ears Witness What Your Eyes Didn't See, Don't Let Your Mouth Speak What Your Heart Doesn't Feel.

Graduation Day on 15/7/2013

How much I could not believe to have been graduated with all of you ~
Thanks for bringing so much memories in sweet, sour or bitter moments as I am blessed of many unique friends in my life here!
Although we were not as close as it would be and there might be some misunderstanding between each of us  but at least, we were once friends before and gladly to meet also, to know you all :)
Hoping for the best to all of you and take care of yourselves~
Stay strong and move forward along the road you have taken and never look back my dear friends <3 br=""> 

A Dream

just a dream...
a dream that I couldn't forget ..
something behind the dream I dreamt actually made me remember every single thing..
I had no idea why but knowing that it would be impossible ...
cause we had choose a different path to walk on..
although the part of holding it tightly seems to be so clear..
and the moment was very awkward in some ways ...

Life is never easy...

how much I see myself understanding life could not be as easy as it seems..

throughout my life, who I met, what I saw or heard as experiencing everything ..

slowly.. I could never conclude something without any proof ..

all the things we saw or heard could be deceiving as the truth was never shown or told...

the only thing to solve the problems just by letting whoever started all this to know ...

that you stand strongly along with your friends who believed in you and were not influenced by any of it..

no matter how horrible things could happen or whoever started all these problems ..

will receive the reward which they deserve in return, the same way given to you ...

all you need is believe and forgive as well as forgetting how or what they did cause..

knowing that each one of us would go through all this just maybe in one particular time..

we will start to grow from all the mistakes we took and learn from all of it as we would not repeat again..

especially through the times we cried or being stubborn as well as angry towards the particular person ..

think twice or thrice whever did wrong, just take it and move on and blame no one

but yourself for trusting or caring .. 

I been there before as I fall so many times but I started to wake up and understand that it was never the worth for carrying the burden with me as it affects my emotions being so depress and angry as well...

All I know is I might did something they dislike and it would be fair enough as they did the same way..

God has only wanted us to love them and forgive them as in return they would understand one day the reason behind all this... so never give up to show them you are capable to move on and look forward without any influence from all that...

My dear friend, be strong and look forward .. although I am not in your close friend list but I will be there if you need a shoulder or listener.. ( Try to think that there are people much worst that what we had gone through )

XOXO

A New 2013 Year !!

It seems like my starting of New Year 13' was similar with last year ~~
For my 1st & LAST New Year Resolution's was to GRADUATE Degree safely!!~~
OH GOD ! Help me ! I beg of YOU ~~ 
but before the new year started.. on my 21st birthday were very casual and simple...
as you might have thought it would be like a BIG party since it is what you called 'Freedom' after all the years of waiting to be legal to do what you wanted without parents controlling..
I just made my very own birthday to have a dinner with my few friends literally.. and that's all ..
and yeah .... it sounds really sad in a way but that's what i wanted though ..
but deep inside my heart i actually wanted to have a very BIG party but just missing some good friends that were not beside me in uk~
I could have just cry if they appears in front of me especially during that time....
anyway, time just flies as it goes without knowing anything and what comes will come as what goes  will go ...
All i wish now is to fly back to Malaysia as soon as possible ='(

no end of life

This life is a game as you tried to do something to achieve the goal. You never had thought that as you tried to bring colours into our life; no one seems to be able to see it. No matter how much you put so much effort, it would turns out worst.

P.S: I will post my journey after my return from my 3rd trip as well as my memorial escape book to be updated ^^ For now, i only could just blog for a bit ><

back from summer break...

how short the time could it be..
just a blink of an eye it's already 2 months..
i hadn't done much things at all..
as i leave, i teared up out of nowhere..
as i saw how hard my mom cried.. insisted not to send me to airport..
finally understands it may be so hard for my mom seeing me off..
well.. i did not expected myself to cry but ever since i left home 3 years ago..
i had never teared up in front of my family and for once i did..

now, i moved in to a new home and everything seems different..
i would had thought maybe i could have been much happier though but...
it turns out vice versa... i don't know why i said that but i had that feeling of mine back in those days...
i felt as if i don't click with anyone at all.. i have no one to actually share to..
as i see my friends leaves one by one, the more depressing it becomes..
for now, i will be only locking myself in the room not going anywhere..

sometimes i just want to be found by friends but it seems like i'm just invisible..
all i can say is i don't blame anyone.. i blame myself for being selfish..
just wanting them to be by my side whenever i want them to be..

don't understand...

i really regret of telling you to work there..
why can't you understand?!!
i just want to spend more time with you..
it seems to be so hard!!! ugh!!
do whatever you like !
do what you think is BEST !!
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE !!!

that day..

that day i told you to promise not to go and step ahead but it seems u did..
that day i let you do what you would do as.. 
that day you gave me the unforgettable memories..
that day as i told myself, only for today to open my heart..
that day had brought so much sweet memories and bitter memories after..

that night how i told you harshly..
that night i want to give in but ...
that night i was unable to give an answer ..
that night how you actually felt so much for me..
that night our tears drop as we talk..
that night has changed the entire thing..
that night i was unable to forgive myself..
all i want to say was 'i'm truly sorry'... i hope you understand..
though i did regret of what had happen..

if that day i did not made my decision, i would not have...
due to some circumstances i had to choose not to..
as you have not realized the reason behind it..
it's better to let it off just like that..

as we are now walking out our own path..
not looking back as well..
but i really felt so much regret since then..

First Impression

ROOFTOP PRINCE

The one best k-drama i had ever watched compared with the others. The starting of the first episode was not what i expected but it turns out to be better as i watched the nest episodes =D Actually the main reason i watched this drama because Park Yoo Chun is the main character as well as Park Ha. They seems to be a match couple in this drama. Through the whole drama, there were funny, conflict, romance and other parts which brings unexpected scenes. I cried so much for this story drama.. especially when it comes to almost the ending part. Also, the original soundtrack for this drama was touching enough to make me cried by listening to it. As i am listening to 'Hurt by Ali' song every single day; non-stop playing repeatedly through my ipod..

Recommended to watch this k-drama !!

return from the start point

it's been a while since i wrote post on my blog.. actually i had forgotten the existance of this blog not until someone reminds me .. i really miss those days .. i really do.
why it seems like those days seems to fly so fast ?? when something really meant so much but it tends to become only memories..memories to be remembered but easily forgotten in some ways..
what am i longing for till now? so many questions just came through my mind each and everyday..
i really don't understand anything at all now and all i want is...

long way to go ...

the undefined feeling towards so many things is so uncomfortable..
missing so many things which brings me back to the memories i had kept for years since thn ..
also regretting of what i have done back thn and wishing everything could change in ways..
but i guess is time ..
the time to leave everything and move on to what i'm gonna pursue..
but i will never leave my precious memories but bringing along with me towards ..
nor it's sweet, sour or bitter memories.. still.. nothing could change those past memories..
but to remember how it happens and why it happens .. happens because of who and what ...
i have made my path along this road and i know that this road would not be an easy road to walk on ..
but i will try eventhough there will be failure throughout the pathway..
we create our own pathway and make the road ourselves..
no matter what has gone wrong, stand up and walk as we face it..

to clear things up....

sry to say this...
but can you stop being such a dip s*** ?!
it is just freakin' obvious when you did that..
i'm not blind nor a wall to you ..
since you are freakishly emotional disturbed, don't ever come and give that ignorance look of yours..
maybe it's because of some freakin' spoilers alert influence but hey !!
if that's what friends are for then we are DONE !! 
and yes! you could superb-ly get people to support you ..
i could not agree much cause you are damn good at it ..
guess what?!
i know this may sound harsh but ...
there are times we think differently and act as well..
plus if this helps you to be happy .. do what you like then..
for once, pls .....
get a real life .. p.s: (sry for being a bitch to you)

这就是长大后的友谊

伤感情的话我们不说，占便宜的事我们不做，小心翼翼地维系着友谊。


但还是搞不清楚，到底谁是真正的朋友？



我的就是你的，你要我就给你；你的决定我都无条件支持；你想去哪儿我陪你去哪儿；你想干嘛我陪你干嘛。



...因为我们是朋友。就这么简单。心情不好，发信息给她发短信。



多好，这样简单的友情。



长大后，我们不得不学着一个人吃饭，一个人逛街，一个人旅行，一个人看电影。



每个人都有自己的事情，忙考研，忙找工作，忙约会，没有谁愿意为你牺牲自己的时间。

每个人都有自己的喜好，没有谁愿意为了陪你做你想做的事而打乱自己原本的计划。

每个人都有自己的脾气，我们知道不应该去打扰、去要求，害怕听到拒绝的声音，更害怕看到对方为难的表情。



孤单吗。

受伤吗。

无助吗。

不解吗。

累吗。

那又能怎样呢？

这就是成年人的世界。

这就是长大后的友谊。

cranky days ='(

as the days passed..
the more cranky i had been ..
i'm sorry for everything and i know..
the person you know has gone somewhere..
but i will assure you all that it will be back soon ..
just at this moment.. things were not as it seems to be..
i promise that everything will be back to the way it is ..
forgive me and hoping you all would understand and bear with me..
i know it will be hard but just for a while..
am truly sorry for the behaviour and attitude..
i don't even know what had happen to me at all..
it just goes as it flows ..
and to tell the truth .. i had this come and go feeling..
as soon it goes.. things will be back to normal ...

p.s. if i had said something you all disliked, a million sorry.. or just ignore me.. i'll understand =]

the time to say good-bye .......

as we grew older...
we walk on our own road ..
our own path way ..
looking back ..
so much memories has passed on ..
missing it so much and don't felt like letting it to be gone..
those meories really brings back on how we first met ..
how we know each other and how we being so stubborn at times as well ..
also how many things we had done together ..
knowing you all were quite a short time but .
it's really enough for me .. i really regret of nt knowing you all from the first place ..
tears just fall when thinking of leaving this place .. such freakin' crazy memories ..
appreciating the times we had together ..

nw it's time to leave and say good-bye soon..
how hard to say it TT wishing the time would stop and turning back the time..
somehow the tears just fall thinking at times..
wanted to stay but can't .. ='(

i really love you guys so much.. muacksssss .. =3